Teen Dating Violence

Sarah’s Story

At 18, *Sarah was a little younger than many of her classmates at the local community college, but she was mature beyond her years. Her professors often praised her dedication, and she loved immersing herself in her studies. College felt like a fresh start, full of possibilities, even though being away from her family and high school friends sometimes left her feeling isolated.

When Sarah met *Brad, he told her she was the kindest person he’d ever known, mature, and a great listener. He supported her college ambitions and understood that she needed time to study. She hadn’t been looking for a relationship but realized she had been lonely. Attending college had separated her from her family and her friends. Brad had a good job and a close group of guy friends, and Sarah quickly fell in love.

The first few times they fought, Sarah wasn’t worried. Every couple argued, and afterward, Brad would always apologize and do something sweet to make it up to her. But the disagreements became more frequent and more heated. Soon they were fighting every night, with arguments lasting until early morning. Brad accused her of neglecting him and caring about school more than their relationship. He told her she’d changed, that she’d become uncaring and vindictive.

Desperate to make things work, Sarah started losing sleep and missing classes, her grades slipping as her anxiety grew. When their fights turned physical, she stopped attending class altogether, too ashamed to let others see her injuries. One night, a neighbor, concerned by the noise, called 911.

The police gave Sarah DSVS’s contact information and gave her the option to charge Brad with partner-family-member assault. After the police took Brad away, Sarah finally had time to reflect on how much the relationship had cost her. She’d failed all her classes that semester and so had lost her financial aid. The bruises and cuts would heal, but her college dreams had been destroyed beyond repair.

Sarah met with DSVS staff and received help filing an order of protection and creating a safety plan. She borrowed DSVS’s books on domestic violence. Through the therapy she was offered and through her reading about the dynamics of power and control, she gained a greater understanding of what she’d been through and started to feel in control of her life again.

Brad was charged with partner-family-member assault. In court, with a DSVS staff member at her side, Sarah was struck by the deep trust she felt with the staff and advocates who had supported her throughout the months-long legal process. These relationships and Brad’s convictions restored some hope for her future.

DSVS paid for Sarah’s first semester back at college, and her excellent grades made her once again eligible for financial aid. She is now enrolled in a master’s program in psychology and hopes to work with veterans. The return of her academic dreams felt miraculous.

Sarah holds close a passage she read during her healing process: “You have to stop living in denial. After you’re out and the past abuse is out in the open, you are forced to acknowledge it instead of pretending, at least on some level, that it wasn’t happening. This requires you to integrate the awful things that happened to you into who you are, without letting them define you.”

*Names and events have been changed to protect confidentiality