Myths and Facts
Misinformation and harmful myths about domestic violence, dating violence, sexual violence, and stalking can silence survivors, perpetuate abuse, and hinder justice. At DSVS, we’re committed to shedding light on the truth. This page debunks some of the most common myths and offers facts that empower survivors and educate our communities. Because everyone deserves to be safe—and believed.
DSVS Can Help
DSVS provides 100% free and confidential support to anyone who is experiencing or has experienced domestic violence, dating violence, sexual violence, or stalking in Carbon or Stillwater Counties.
Domestic Violence Myths and Facts
Myth: If it was that bad, they would leave.
FACT: People stay in abusive relationships for many different reasons, and it can be very difficult for someone to leave an abusive partner, even if they want to. Like any other relationship, one that ends in abuse began with falling in love and being in love. Abuse rarely starts at the beginning of a relationship, but when it is established, it is often harder to leave. A person may still be in love with their partner and believe them when they say they are sorry and it won’t happen again; They may be frightened for their life or for the safety of their children if they leave; they may have nowhere to go; they may have no financial independence. Abusers often isolate their partners from family and friends in order to control them, making it even more difficult for an abused person to exit the relationship. People in abusive relationships need support and understanding – not judgement.
Myth: Domestic violence always involves physical violence.
FACT: Domestic violence does not always include physical violence. Domestic violence is an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading, and violent behaviour, including sexual violence, by a partner or ex-partner. These incidents can include coersive control, psychological and/or emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, financial abuse, stalking, and/or online or digital abuse.
Myth: Alcohol and drugs cause domestic violence.
FACT: Alcohol and drugs can and do exacerbate violence, but they are never the CAUSE of violence. Additionally, many people who are violent do not drink heavily or use drugs, and many alcoholics and drug users do not abuse their partners.
Myth: Someone can be a good parent while abusing their partner.
FACT: Domestic violence impacts the entire family. Children don't have to be the direct target of abuse to be harmed by it. Seeing, hearing, or living with violence in the home can have profound and lasting effects on a child's emotional, physical, and developmental well-being.
Research estimates that about 90% of children whose parent is being abused are aware of or witness the abuse. Many also experience direct abuse themselves, with studies estimating that between 40% and 70% are also victims of abuse in the home.
Myth: Victims often lie about abuse.
FACT: False allegations about domestic violence are extremely rare. This myth is extremely damaging because the fear of being called a liar can and does deter people from reporting the abuse they have experienced.
Myth: People who abuse their partners are mentally unwell.
FACT: There is no research that supports this myth. Abuse and violence are a choice, and there is no excuse for them. Domestic violence happens throughout every level of society, regardless of health, wealth, or status.
Myth: Domestic violence is a momentary loss of control.
REALITY: Domestic violence is rarely about losing control, but taking control. Perpetrators rarely act spontaneously when angry. They consciously choose when to abuse their partner: when they are alone, and when there are no witnesses (if there is a witness, then usually they are a child). They have control over whom they abuse.
Myth: People who abuse their partners witnessed abuse of their parent growing up.
FACT: Domestic violence is prevalent throughout society, and because of this, many people have grown up witnessing domestic violence. Most of these people will never perpetrate domestic violence in their own relationships, so it is never an excuse.
Sexual Violence Myths and Facts
Myth: Sexual violence is an act of lust and passion that can’t be controlled.
FACT: Sexual violence is all about power and control and is not motivated by sexual gratification.
Myth: If a victim of sexual violence does not fight back, they must have thought the assault was not that bad or they wanted it.
FACT: Many survivors experience tonic immobility or a “freeze response” during an assault where they physically cannot move or speak.
Myth: A lot of victims lie about being raped or give false reports.
FACT: Only 2-8% of rapes are falsely reported, the same percentage as for other felonies.
Myth: A person cannot sexually assault their partner or spouse.
FACT: Nearly 1 in 5 women have experienced rape by an intimate partner in their lifetime. Before the 1970s, marital rape was legal in every US state and was made illegal in all states in 1993.
Myth: Rape does not happen that often.
FACT: There is an average of 433,066 victims ages 12 or older of rape and sexual assault each year in the U.S. This means 1 sexual assault occurs every 68 seconds.
Myth: People who experience sexual violence will be hysterical and crying.
FACT: Everyone responds differently to trauma - some may laugh, some may cry, and others will not show any emotions.
Myth: Men are not victims of sexual violence.
FACT: 1 in 6 men have been sexually abused or assaulted. 43% of men reported experiencing some form of sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime.
Myth: Wearing revealing clothing, behaving provocatively, or drinking a lot means the victim was “asking for it”.
FACT: The perpetrator selects the victim- the victim’s behavior or clothing choices do not mean that they are consenting to sexual activity.
Myth: Sexual violence is less common in the LQBTQIA+ community.
FACT: LGBTQIA+ individuals are more vulnerable to experiencing sexual victimization, with 3 out of 5 individuals affected.
Myth: People with disabilities are at low risk for sexual violence.
FACT: People with disabilities are victims of sexual violence twice as often as people without disabilities.
Myth: There is nothing we can do to prevent sexual violence.
FACT: There are many ways you can help prevent sexual violence, including intervening as a bystander to protect someone who may be at risk. See our Bystander Intervention Training under the Community Trainings We Offer toggle.
Stalking Myths and Facts
Myth: Only celebrities are stalked.
FACT: 1.4 million people are stalked every year in the United States. We may hear more about celebrity stalking cases in the media, but the vast majority of stalking victims are ordinary citizens.
Myth: If you ignore stalking, it will go away.
FACT: Stalkers seldom “just stop.” In fact, behaviors can turn more and more violent as time goes on. Victims should seek help from advocates, law enforcement, and the courts to intervene to stop the stalking.
Myth: Stalking is creepy, but not dangerous.
FACT: Stalking is creepy and dangerous. Three out of four women who were murdered by an intimate partner had been previously stalked by the killer.
Myth: Stalking is annoying but not illegal.
FACT: Stalking is a crime under the laws of all 50 states, the District of Columbia, and the federal government.
Myth: You can’t be stalked by someone you are still dating.
FACT: If your current boyfriend or girlfriend tracks your every move or follows you around in a way that causes you fear, that is stalking.
Myth: Modern surveillance technology is too expensive and confusing for most stalkers to use.
FACT: Stalkers can buy surveillance software and hardware for as little as $30 and can easily track victim’s every move on a computer.
Myth: If you confront the stalker, they will go away.
FACT: Stalkers can be unreasonable and unpredictable. Confronting or trying to reason with a stalker can be dangerous.
Dating Violence Myths and Facts
Myth: Abuse in teen relationships will eventually stop as they get older. It is just a phase.
FACT: Abusive relationships involve a pattern of controlling behaviors that can span a lifetime and multiple victims. Abusers will only change when they take full responsibility for their behavior and realize they do not have the right to control and abuse.
1 in 2 teens who have been in a serious relationship say they’ve gone against their beliefs in order to please their partner.
Trust your instincts. If you are uncomfortable with something, you should not be pressured to stay in that situation.
Myth: My partner and I are equally abusive with each other. So it’s both of our faults.
FACT: Unhealthy or abusive relationship behaviors can take place among both partners, but the National Domestic Violence Hotline explains that "mutual abuse" isn't real. One person in the relationship tends to have more control than the other. The key difference between a survivor and an abuser is the awareness of unhealthy behaviors and willingness to change. Abusers will often shift responsibility and deny that they did anything wrong.
Myth: Abuse only happens to certain people. My partner isn’t that kind of person.
FACT: Relationship abuse can happen to anyone, no matter what race, religion, income status, gender, or sexual orientation you identify with.
1 in 4 teens who have been in a serious relationship say their boyfriend or girlfriend has tried to prevent them from spending time with friends or family; the same number have been pressured to only spend time with their partner.
Isolation from friends and family is a warning sign of an abusive partner. Someone who wants to control you tries to take away your friends so that you have no support and feel more dependent on him or her.
Myth: If my partner is jealous of my friends it means that they care about me.
FACT: Jealousy is often an abuser’s excuse to control and isolate you. While jealousy can be a natural feeling, it depends what you do with the feeling. If their jealousy is turning into telling you where to go and who to talk to, it is unhealthy and controlling.
1 in 3 girls between the ages of 16 and 18 say sex is expected for people their age if they’re in a relationship; half of teen girls who have experienced sexual pressure report they are afraid the relationship would break up if they did not give in.
You have the right to say no. Sexual abuse often starts with pressure. Someone who truly respects you will not pressure you in any way.
Myth: My partner “jokes around” a lot and playfully hits me. It’s not that bad, so it’s not abusive.
FACT: Relationships should be fun and enjoyable. Behavior crosses the line into unhealthy when; one partner is not comfortable with it; it becomes disrespectful; or someone gets hurt (either emotionally or physically).
1 in 5 teens who have been in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped or pushed by a partner.
Myth: Most of the time they (the abusers) are just defending themselves. The victim was attacking and provoking them.
FACT: Abusive partners often manipulate and control to make it seem like the abuse is the victims’ fault. Self-defense is doing only what is necessary to stop another from physically hurting you. Self-defense is not when someone cheats on you; then you physically abuse her/him. Self-defense is not when someone slaps you; then you slap him/her back.
