Help a Loved One

One of the biggest barriers many survivors face is a fear that they won't be believed. Validating a survivor's experience can help them find the courage to seek other support.

For the safety and comfort of the survivor, it is important that before meeting, you set up a time and place to talk away from the abusive partner where the survivor feels safe, supported, and free to speak honestly.

Abusers often use tactics of isolation and shame to control their partners, meaning that individuals experiencing abuse feel extremely alone. Be honest by letting them know you are concerned for their safety, and be patient by letting them know you will support whatever decision they make.

Sometimes it can be hard for survivors to reach out for help or know what help is available. If you can help financially, tell them to what extent. Let them know if you can store copies of important papers or extra clothes for them. If you can provide transportation or a place to stay, that helps them develop their options.

There are many organizations all over the country with the resources and experience to help individuals suffering abuse. A survivor should choose for themselves what they want to do, if anything, but it is still good to offer your support in helping find local resources. DSVS Helpline is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week at 406-425-2222. All of our services are free and confidential.

People may choose to leave or stay in abusive relationships for many reasons. From the outside, it can be difficult to understand, but it is important to make sure the survivor feels empowered to make their own decisions and knows you will continue to offer your help no matter what.

Abuse is not about love, it is about controlling and overpowering another individual. Because of this, one of the most important things you should do for someone you feel is being abused is to help them feel self-empowered to take back control of their lives. As an ally, your goal should be to empower them to make their own decisions and support them throughout the entire process.

Being in an abusive relationship can be extremely lonely and confusing. The person may still love and care about their abuser, may have very little of their own resources, may be worried about the safety of their children if they leave, or a number of other complex concerns. Reinforce your belief that violence and abuse are never acceptable, and offer your support even if they do not take steps that seem logical to you. Remember, they are the expert on their own situation, and if they don’t leave when it makes sense to you to do so, they may have reasons to move at a different pace.

Leaving abusive relationships can be a difficult and complex process. You may have to deal with legal services, financial issues, interim housing, counseling and more. DSVS is dedicated to this issue and have the resources and experience to handle the process as safely and efficiently as possible.

The most dangerous period in any abusive relationship is during or after the breakup. Pressuring someone to leave before they are financially and emotionally prepared can make them unsafe. There are many reasons a person may choose to leave or stay in an abusive relationship, so it is never as simple as pushing them to "just leave." Instead, talk them through their options and continue to offer your support no matter what decision they make.

Some people feel like they are overstepping if they get involved. Also, you may feel like it is not your place, or fear that you will insult someone if you express concern. At the end of the day, if you are expressing your concern sensitively from a place of love and support it is likely to be appreciated, whether or not the person is ready to talk or change their situation.