Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior in a relationship used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over the other partner. Domestic violence can be words, threats, or actions used to control another persons’ behavior and decisions. These behaviors are meant to intimidate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, coerce, blame or injure another person.
DSVS Can Help
DSVS provides 100% free and confidential support to anyone who is experiencing or has experienced domestic violence, dating violence, sexual violence, or stalking in Carbon or Stillwater Counties.
Types of Domestic Violence
Abuse can occur in many forms. Although it is not always easy to immediately recognize an abusive relationship, knowing some of the signs of domestic violence can help save a life. In addition to the forms of abuse described below, sexual assault or stalking frequently occurs within a violent relationship. Listed below are just some examples, but your experiences may be different. Visit our Sexual Violence, Stalking, or Teen Dating Violence pages for more information.
Physical Abuse
Physical abuse is any intentional, unwanted contact with you or something close to your body, or any behavior that causes or has the intention of causing you injury, disability, or death. Abusive behavior may not always cause physical pain or leave a bruise, but it’s still unhealthy and should always be taken seriously.
Examples of physical abuse include:
- Scratching, punching, biting, pushing, or kicking
- Strangulation
- Throwing items at or near you
- Pushing or pulling you, or forcibly grabbing your clothing
- Threatening to use or using a gun or other weapon against you
- Touching any part of your body without your permission or consent
- Restraining you
Emotional or Verbal Abuse
Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring or “checking in,” humiliation, intimidation, isolation, or stalking. Relationships can still be unhealthy or abusive even without physical abuse.
Examples of behaviors that qualify as emotional or verbal abuse include:
- Calling you names or putting you down
- Telling you what to do or wear
- Making you feel guilty, embarrassed or fearful if you don’t consent to sexual activity
- Threatening to expose things from your past, your sexual orientation or immigration status
- Yelling or screaming at you
- Intentionally embarrassing you in front of others or starting lies or rumors about you
- Preventing you from seeing or communicating with friends or family, or threatening to have your children taken away from you
- Damaging your property (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.)
- Blaming abusive or unhealthy behavior on you or your actions
- Being jealous of outside relationships or accusing you of cheating
- Stalking you or your loved ones
- Threatening to harm you, your pet(s), or people in your life
- Threatening to harm themselves to keep you from ending the relationship
- Gaslighting you by pretending not to understand or refusing to listen to you; questioning your recollection of facts, events, or sources; trivializing your needs or feelings; or denying previous statements or promises
Financial Abuse
Financial abuse often operates in more subtle ways than other forms of abuse, but it can be just as harmful to those who experience it. Modern conditions of stark economic inequality mean that financial security is directly tied to our health and wellbeing. No one has the right to use money or how you choose to spend it to control your actions or decisions, and no one should control your ability to work.
Examples of financial abuse include:
- Giving you an allowance or monitoring what you buy
- Depositing your paycheck into an account you can’t access
- Preventing you from seeing shared bank accounts or records
- Forbidding you from working or limiting the hours you do
- Preventing you from going to work by taking your car, keys, or other mode of transportation
- Getting you fired by harassing you, your employer, or your co-workers
- Hiding or stealing your student financial aid check or other financial support
- Using your social security number to obtain loans without your permission
- Using your child’s social security number to claim an income tax refund without your permission
- Maxing out your credit cards without permission
- Refusing to provide you with money, food, rent, medicine, or clothing
- Using funds from your children’s tuition or a joint savings account without your knowledge
- Spending money on themselves while preventing you from doing the same
- Giving you presents or paying for things with the expectation of something in return
- Using financial circumstances to control you
Digital Abuse
Digital abuse is the use of technologies like texting and social media to bully, harass, stalk, or intimidate a partner. This behavior is often a form of verbal or emotional abuse, conducted online. All communication in a healthy relationship is respectful, whether in person, online, or over the phone. It’s never okay for your partner to use words or actions to harm you, lower your self-esteem, or manipulate you.
Examples of digital abuse include:
- Telling you who you can or can’t follow or be friends with on social media
- Looking through your phone or checking up on your pictures, texts, emails, and phone records
- Sending you negative, insulting, or threatening messages or emails
- Using social media to track your activities.
- Using online communities or communications to control, intimidate, or humiliate you
- Insulting or humiliating you in their posts online, including posting unflattering photos or videos
- Sending, requesting, or pressuring you to send unwanted explicit photos or videos, sexts, or otherwise compromising messages
- Stealing or pressuring you to share your account passwords
- Constantly texting you or making you feel like you can’t be separated from your phone
- Looking through your phone or checking up on your pictures, texts, and phone records
- Using any kind of technology (such as spyware or GPS in a car or phone) to monitor your activities
Laura’s Story
When Laura* met Jack*, she thought she’d found the man of her dreams. He was handsome, charming, and incredibly attentive, showering her with compliments and affection. Jack brought her flowers, called her every day, and took her on exciting dates, making her feel special in a way no one else ever had. Their romance quickly became serious, and within six months, Jack proposed. Laura felt lucky to have found someone so devoted and was excited to start their life together.
As they planned their wedding, Laura noticed that Jack would get upset whenever she spent time with family or friends, even when they were helping with the wedding arrangements. Jack’s jealousy struck her as sweet at first, she thought he just wanted to be close to her. But after they married, his possessiveness grew more intense, and their arguments became more frequent. He didn’t want her to spend time with others, and one night, when she returned home after visiting her mom, Jack confronted her in a fit of anger, eventually striking her.
Shocked, Laura couldn’t believe what had happened. Jack was deeply apologetic the next day, explaining that he felt abandoned when she was gone and only acted out of love. Laura wanted to believe him and began seeing her friends and family less often to avoid upsetting him.
Over the next 15 years, Laura’s life fell into a painful routine. She had become isolated from her loved ones, and Jack’s emotional and physical abuse only worsened. They now had a six-year-old daughter, *Lexi, and Laura’s every action was carefully calculated to protect her daughter from witnessing Jack’s rage.
One night, when Lexi fell ill with a high fever, Laura focused on comforting her, neglecting to make dinner. Jack stormed into Lexi’s room, dragged Laura out by her foot, and berated her for being a “terrible wife.” Fearing for her daughter’s safety, Laura went to the kitchen to prepare a meal for Jack, only to be met with his fists. After he struck her repeatedly and knocked out one of her teeth, Laura fled to a neighbor’s house, desperate for safety.
Although the police were called, Laura was terrified of retaliation from Jack and declined to cooperate with the prosecution of Jack’s abuse. However, the responding officer left her neighbor with DSVS’s contact information. Summoning her courage, Laura called the DSVS helpline and was placed in an emergency shelter with Lexi. This time, Laura knew she had to leave for good to protect their lives.
The next day, she met with a DSVS advocate. With a severely swollen and bruised eye, Laura worked with the advocate to create a safety plan and explore options for moving forward. DSVS quickly assisted her in finding a rental, covering her security deposit, two months’ rent, and emergency surgery for her infected tooth from the incident. Laura also began the process of divorcing Jack.
The transition has been challenging, especially for Lexi, who has needed extra reassurance and support. Laura’s family and friends, with whom she’s reconnected, have been there to encourage and remind her that she’s made the right choice for herself and her daughter.
Jack continues to call, insisting he won’t allow the divorce. But Laura knows he can’t stop it. She now understands the extent of the danger she endured for years, even though it was hard to face. Having found a job, Laura is regaining her independence, free from Jack’s control. Each time she visits the DSVS office, her advocate notices her looking healthier and smiling with a bit more ease.
With her newfound freedom and the support of DSVS, Laura feels stronger every day. She’s building a safe, happy life for herself and Lexi, finally empowered to embrace a future filled with hope and possibility.
*Names and events have been changed for confidentiality
Resources
Go here to learn more about the various resources DSVS has collected for you.
Healing Together
A free monthly community building event for survivors of sexual or domestic violence
Myths & Facts
Seperate fact from fiction. Learn more about the resources available to you as a survivor.
